The Official Nisekoi Oneshot Collection!
by Osoji Nosferatu
Summary: Oneshots with the colorful cast of Nisekoi! No plot, no story, just humor, fluff, more humor, and maybe even a little romance down the road. Maybe! It will help to read my other Nisekoi story, "Who, Him? My Glasses-Buddy?" as I will make a few references to it here and there. DISCONTINUED
1. Lunchtime with Ruri-chan!

**AN: Watcher 219 gave me this idea to do little oneshots focusing on ShuuxRuri. So I'm doing them! They'll be VERY short, fluffy, and follow no plot. Primary focus is ShuuRi, but I'll also sneak in my second Nisekoi OTP: OnodeRaku. **

**Episode 1! Lunchtime with Ruri! Enjoy, reader! :) **

**/**

"Ruri-chan, what do you think of Shuu?" Onodera asked, poking me in the shoulder and giving me a wicked grin with a innuendo in her eyes. I could tell right away, these glasses of mine are always great for that kind of thing. Or it was just blatantly obvious; it didn't matter. There was obviously something she was implying, and, logically thinking, something funny to her.

My reply was quick, concise, and struck him where his weaknesses shone brightest. "He's an idiot, a perv, and quite frankly, annoying."

I heard a crash and Ichijou's voice ring out. "Shuu! Shuu! Are you OK?"

So he was listening to me. Serves him right for hearing what I really thought. I smiled as I heard a groan and grunt from Raku, then fake-crying, since Shuu was the ever-present drama king/queen he was. Suddenly, I stopped, knowing that this specific plethora of sounds could easily be interpreted for something dirtier. I cleared my throat mentally, shaking my head at myself for thinking like Shuu. I pushed my glasses up on my nose and looked at Onodera, who was worried about the noise that just rang out. I turned an eye towards her, reading her thoughts, and muttered, "It's fine, 'Saki. They're just being the idiots that they are." Well, not counting Raku- mostly. He was completely oblivious to Kosaki's feelings, which I wanted to pummel the living s*** out of him for. What? It's a K+ fic that author's writing. I can't very much swear now, can I?

"Ruri-chan, do you think Ichijou-kun's okay? It sounded pretty bad," she muttered, holding her hands in front of her, clearly worried. "One of them could be hurt."

"Then Ichijou-kun will learn his lesson for hanging around that monkey." I turned back to my lunch, silently eating my chicken hungrily. I felt someone watching me. When I looked up, Kosaki had that grin on her face again, and asked me the same question once again.

"So, Ruri-chan. Are you a tsundere for Maiko-kun? Hmmmmm?" she asked, poking my shoulder.

"No. At least I'm not silently crazy for him, like you are with-" I started rebuking her for her words, but she stopped me.

"N-no! Don't bring him up!" she flusteredly responded, waving her hands in front of her like a madman. Calming down, she prodded me once again. "mmmm?"

Innuendo.

"I have no feelings whatsoever for the buffoon, Kosaki."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that!" A cheerful voice said from behind me. I whipped around and began to choke on my chicken. As my throat made hacking and choking noises, I caught a glimpse of Kirisaki as my struggle for air continued, the piece of meat stuck in my throat and quickly enflaming it. The hotness of the meat strung my throat, since I wasn't used to raw stuff being placed there.

Uh-oh. There were way too many innuendos in that last paragraph. I'm sorry. I'd revamp it, but you'd be bored by then. I'll just keep moving on. Ahem…

Anyway, my vision began to fade as Kirisaki began to panic, apologizing while freaking out. If I wasn't fighting a losing battle for air, I'd have laughed quite hard. As a last resort as my vision faded even more, she was leading Shuu by the shirtsleeve while blubbering statements like "You gotta save her!" or, "she'll die if you don't help?"

The buffoon I'd mentioned earlier just shrugged and placed his hands on my chest. In my final moments of life, would I really be groped by this… thing that I couldn't stand? … mostly.

With a firm, quick push, the piece of CHICKEN (let me accentuate that to eliminate any further innuendos) flew out of my mouth and landed neatly in the bin where my mother packaged it for my lunch this morning.

I coughed and sputtered, then found my voice and a tiny, tiny smile. "Thanks, Maiko-kun."

"No problem, glasses-buddy!" Shuu said happily, forgetting all my previous insults while bounding away, incoherently sputtering nonsense to Raku about the size of that new, hot junior's chest.

Chitoge stuck around and poked me in the ribs after being sure I could breathe. "I think you like him. Heheheh."

I sighed. Is this really what the oneshots would be full of? Really? Fine. Fine. You know what, I don't even care anymore. Have it your way. Erm, copyright Burger King.

**/**

**AN: I hope you liked it. There'll be at least one of these every week. Expect a max of 7, one per day. That's doubtful, though. So, I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a review, PLEASE! I love seeing your thoughts and feedback, so leave one, please! It encourages me to no end, seeing your responses. :) It also makes me happy! So make me happy. :3 Also, it lets me know that you guys want to see more of my randomized thoughts being put into word-ular forme. :D**

**Give me a big follow and favorite! I appreciate it greatly! :D**

**Next time: Crowded bus on the way to the beach! Unintentional! **

**The Slain Executioner, slashing out. :) **


	2. Wrong-time-Raku

**AN: Not much to say here, except the review replies.**

**Shiranui Gin: Thanks a ton, buddy! But lemme remind you there's no such thing as a plot. What's that? I SUCK AT THEM ANYWAYS! :P**

**Thetimelord123: Aw, thanks a ton. :) I want to create an enjoyable experience that easily readable and humorous... not an easy feat. Yeah, I'm not into making lemonade, but I'm all for drinkin' it up if you know what I mean. ;) I like incoherent oneshots (Nisekoi) and I figured to expand on it and give it more exposition and throw in some of my own personal opinions and wants. Really? I'm not acquainted with the manga so I won't know what's going on in that. Thanks for reviewing! Your support is appreciated a lot. I mean it!**

**No further ado here. Here's the second chapter of The Official Nisekoi Oneshot Collection!**

/

"Why are we doing this again?" I mumbled as I was dressed in a casual skirt with a tank top and sunhat. Apparently, Kosaki was dragging me to the beach. I was really not in the mood to go swimming today. I wanted to stay home and finish my homework, then maybe read a novel or something.

Not bake in the sun and have my ears pelted by chattering idiots who littered the beach on a regular basis

"It'll be fun, Ruri-chan. After all, we haven't hung out in a long time!"

Kosaki had a point. We hadn't hung out, just the two of us in quite a while, not counting school, and it'd be nice to hang out with her for a while, even if the beach wasn't the most optimal location for a hang-out.

Well, that changed quickly. At the next stop, Raku and Shuu boarded the bus. Great. Shuu quickly spotted us despite the attempts that I made to make Kosaki duck out of sight. He and Raku took the seats in front of us, then the buffoon turned round to face me.

"Yo!" he happily exclaimed, holding a towel and a water bottle. No… he wasn't heading off to the beach now, was he?

Raku looked a little bored, with a mix of flush-faced-ness and glanced over at Shuu. Ichijou also had a towel… and a matching bottle of water.

God dammit!

But it didn't end there. The very next stop we made, I saw Chitoge and Tsugumi, her fiery bodyguard with a fierce thing for Ichijou. I saw her stiffen as she laid eyes on the boy in question.

Oh, god help me. I just wanted a relaxing afternoon at the beach. Maybe get a few seaside food-ular items and tan… before burning to a crispy wafer.

Well, I no longer have it anymore. I sighed, making Kosaki turn to me curiously.

"What's up, Ruri-chan?" she asked, tilting her head sideways and looking at me questioningly.

"I didn't want these people here…" I seethed, letting the words flow through my teeth and making a harsh hissing noise on the "th" sound in "these." Instead of thinking I was upset, she interpreted it as mock anger, leaving her to freely hug me playfully.

"Oh, Ruri-chan," she laughed, shaking me slightly. "It's not so bad. You need to get out more! Y'know, be more social!"

"Says the lovestruck lovebird…" I mumbled, making her jump and pull away suddenly. So my tactics worked. If approached with ridiculous statements from Kosaki, I reply by nearly bringing her severe crush on Raku into the whole world, which shuts her up pretty quickly.

"Ruri!" she whisper-shrieked, poking me in the shoulder. "He- er, he might hear!" she not-so-subtly hissed at me.

"Serves you right," I smugly replied, settling back into my seat. Tsugumi and Chitoge were unusually quiet, sitting placidly in their seats. What sickness had infested their immune system? The virus of serenity? Yeah, that must be it. Poor girls. It's upsetting to see more and more people getting infected with -er, excuse my fluency in sarcasm. I coughed.

Shuu turned to us, much to my apparent dismay. "So, you two, where are you headed?" he asked, smiling and accidentally biting his tongue when the bus ran over a pothole, making him squeak in pain. He nursed his tongue, but once again turned to us. "Tho where urr you two going?"

Kosaki had to try to keep from laughing aloud. "Um… we're headed to the beach for a little bit of girl time," she said, repressing her laughter.

Shuu caught onto her true intentions. "Hey! It itthen't thunny!" he moaned, rubbing his cheek for a bit before sighing. "Ah. That's better."

He turned to a slightly red-faced Raku, who was sitting stiffly in his uncomfortable bus seat. Shuu elbowed him in the ribs, making him jump in surprise. "What the hell, Shuu!" he hissed. It was more akin to a statement than an angry question.

I saw Kosaki tense up a little whe she saw Raku turn. God, those two could be so, so dense sometimes when it came to each other's feelings. They couldn't speak normally, act normally, hell, do _anything _normally when around each other. I wanted to push them together and force them to kiss already, but there were two things holding me back:

1) That was be awkward, socially and personally.

2) I wasn't strong enough to push them. Seriously. Have you seen my biceps? They're thinner than Ichijou's! And he's lanky for a boy his height!

So I couldn't do anything but pressure Kosaki into thinking she had no choice but to agree with my logic. After all, it worked out fine for me. I almost get her to go after Raku and almost get him to notice her in that way. Almost. I still need to perform sufficient research to somehow get those two to "hook up," as they put it.

I stared at the two lovebirds-in-training, blatantly wondering how they haven't noticed each other yet. Then I glanced at Shuu, silently ogling another female on the bus. As per usual. None of us could see this comi- er, excuse the sarcasm flowing out of my mouth again.

I began to wonder, once again, what it would have been like to have a crush on someone. I found myself turning to the buffoon sitting only 3 feet or so in front of me and shook my head.

This fresh air must be doing something to my head. After all, I deduced that I liked no one. I made that clear in my last appearing in the author's story updates.

Story updates? Man, what am I talking about? I really need to get more sleep these days. Nighttime hours of constant studying do a number on my logical thought processing.

Yeah, it's gonna be a helluva long day.

/

**AN: So tell me if you'd like me to continue this little arc with the group going to the beach, and if you do, leave me a review. :) Drop a favorite, leave a follow, and keep an eye out for the next chapter! Thanks so much!**


	3. The Beach Will Go On!

**AN: The bus-arc continues and a little beach time is shown here. Not much else aside from thanks so much for reading and for giving me some love! (Get your mind out of the gutter.)**

**Please review! It drives me to give you chapters. Ergo, more reviews = more chapters. (Mostly.) Just show me that you like the story and I'll love you forever. :) Besides, it makes me happy! So make me happy! **

**I'm grounded, so chapter updates will be… irregular and unplanned, but they'll come out. I promise!**

**Review responses: **

**LightRayPearlshipper: Here's one, in answer to your question, my friend. :D Oh, have I forgotten to mark "Who, Him? My Glasses-Buddy?" as unfinished? It's technically done, so… yeah. It's just a oneshot. This oneshot, the one you're reading at this very second, is like the continuation, but not really. **

**Thanks to all my readers, including the stealth ones! Hey, come out of the shadows and leave a review. Make me happy. :) Please? **

**Wow, I did a beach volleyball scene without doing fanservice. Holy crap. Well, there isn't much to fanservice on Shuu or Ruri. **

**/**

"How's your tongue, Shuu?" Raku asked, sarcasm raking his voice. When he finished speaking, he flicked his tongue out to taunt said perv-in-question.

"Shut up," Shuu replied, grasping his tongue and holding his water bottle to it.

Raku shrugged and continued looking out the bus's window. He seemed to be staring at nothing, which I decided that he must be deep in thought. Probably about Kosaki. Poor boy is lovestruck.

I thought I mentioned that plenty of times throughout the course of this story. Have I? Probably.

Kosaki shifted nervously in her seat, staring at the back of Raku's head. Kind of creepy in my opinion. Was she that enthralled with his hair? I remember how he got ready in the morning when we were on that class trip. He just ran a bit of water through his bedhead and called it 'styled.' Pfft. He's never had to deal with long hair- and ponytails. Ugh, those suckers are a real pain to deal with.

I nudged her. "Y'know, you could stare at his face and tell him how much you're madly in love with him."

"Knock it off, Ruri-chan. I don't like him t-that way." She almost sounded believable except for the fact that her voice hitched on the syllable "th."

"And my mother recently murdered seventeen people. Naturally," I muttered, rolling my eyes along with my words. Once again, as I've said so many times, oblivious idiots are oblivious.

"Don't joke about those things, Ruri-chan," Kosaki scolded.

"Yes, mother," I simply replied, slightly bowing in mock obeyance.

Kosaki looked puzzled- like she always was when around Raku. This time, however, her expression was a little different. "What's gotten into you? You're never like this."

"I never wanted to come on this stupid trip in the first place…" I grumbled, sliding lower into my seat and sighing. I burnt in less than five minutes, didn't like people and noise, and couldn't swim. So why was I going?

Because I was a softie for Onodera.

Or I just didn't have friends. One of the two. Probably an unhealthy mixture of both. I sighed. Sometimes, the studious life could get quite lonely. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's… good and bad, I guess. Whatever. Not my fault your future will end up sucking.

"Oh come on, Ruri. You seem like a little sun and water will kill you!"

"Because I will," I grumbled. "Too many UV rays gives you cancer and water makes you drown."

"Y'know what… you're just being a killjoy," Onodera mumbled and shook her head in amazement. Yeah, shoot me for thinking logically. Whoop-de-effing-doo. Anyway, she continued saying by retrieving a bottle of sunblock from her bag. "Everyone, apply this to yourselves!"

"Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehue."

I slapped Shuu on the back of the head. "You're a gross, disgusting, abhorrent animal. I thought there was a sign on this bus that said no pets."

"Ow! That's cruel, Ruri-chaaaaaan!" Shuu fake-cried, being the ever-present drama queen he was.

Well, most of the bus ride kept going off without a hitch- minus a few incidents where I tried to push Kosaki into Raku. What, I can't speed up the inevitable? Please. I'll do what I want when a cute pairing gets in my way. This ship must be sailing tonight. Anyways, when we arrived at the beach, Shuu leaped off of the bus joyfully.

"Yahooooo! Beach volleyball!" he yelled, clutching his towel and water. He quickly asked the teens our age if he could join in. He motioned for Tsugumi, Chitoge, Kosaki, Raku, and I to make our way over once he'd joined in. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Chitoge and Tsugumi were with us. Did you forget? Ah, I knew you would. Anyway, with a sweep of his hand, he did something that surprised all of us.

"So who's up for some six-on-six?" he questioned, giving the other six court's inhabitants a wicked challenging grin.

A tall, slender brunette walked up to him and looked him square in the eye. "Sure."

Shuu fist-pumped the air. "All right! Let's get this party started!"

I immediately turned to leave, but Kosaki grabbed my arm. "You're staying here after that fiasco on the bus."

"... why, mom?"

"Because I said so," she said with a face of mock sternness. Damn, she was getting too good at a fake mom figure. Raku, get used to seeing that face when you two EVENTUALLY hook up- one of these years when you finally grow a pair. If you're even capable of performing that action, well, I- y'know what, I won't go there.

The other team, whilst very friendly, was competitive. The brunette stepped up and served a burning volleyball straight at Raku. Luckily for us, five of us had a lot of beach volleyball experience- Chitoge for sure, Tsugumi… I think? (I wasn't sure on that one. She just does everything physical exceptionally well. Glad Shuu can't read my thoughts, or he'd have laughed at me there.) Raku was decent, Kosaki loved volleyball, and Shuu was a hit-or-miss whether or not he'd be any good or not. Me, well… heh. You know me added with athletics and a beach Spalding equals a sandy mess, right?

Raku crouched low and bumped the serve into the air. While the ball left his forearms, he glanced at his front players. Chitoge and Tsugumi, their ever-competitive selves, nodded and both leaped into the air at once. With mirrored motions, they brought their hands back like they were about to hit the ball. The other team wasn't sure which way the ball was going to go, so they just got ready.

At the very last second, Chitoge gave the volleyball the tiniest 'tap.' The ball fell to the opposing court with a harmless 'tmp.'

A short, agile-looking boy grinned. "Ha! You guys know what you're doing. Tell you what; 'm make a deal with you guys. You win, we buy you a drink over there. You lose, you buy us drinks! Pretty sweet deal, huh? All ya gotta do is win!"

"That's a deal sweeter than the drink you're gonna buy us!" Chitoge challenged, signalling our acceptance- _without_ our consent. Raku waved his hands in front of himself.

"Hold up, why does everything have to be a freakin' challenge for you, Kirisaki? Can't we just enjoy a leisurely game of volleyball?" he muttered, shaking his head. He glared at the one he dubbed 'gorilla girl.'

"Because challenges are fun. And nope, can't have the merry little group getting too comfortable with dull games!" Chitoge exclaimed as she rolled the volleyball towards the boy. The fiery blonde mockingly winked at Raku and he sighed in exasperation.

He grinned broadly. "Now that's a challenge if I ever heard one! Get ready, guys!" The short, sandy-haired teen leaped into the air and sent a blistering serve straight… at me. I didn't react in time (go figure) and it smacked my forehead. Luckily, thanks to all the years of hard studying I'd ameliorated, my skull was extremely resilient. I don't think that's how brain development works, though… whatever. I'll just chalk it up to being stubborn. With today being an exception, of course. A very prominent exception that wouldn't go unnoticed by Kosaki- or the others.

Anyway, the ball bounced straight off of my forehead. Kosaki took over, giggling. "Thanks, Ruri-chan!" she yelled, as she spiked the ball onto another player's head. She got the same treatment; the opposing team played the ball off of her blunder. At least I wasn't alone in the act of… using my head so to speak.

This went back and forth a few times before Tsugumi realized she'd had enough. A low-flying shot came hurtling over the net, but she leaped up and blocked it. With enough force to send a rocket ship into space, she smacked the ball back at the team at light speed.

The score was now 2-0, our favor. But this whole fiasco was just getting started… Either way, I was hoping that a nice, cold iced tea would get purchased for me. Yeah, go team! The one that I'm more of a blunder on!

/

**AN: So, how was it? This beach arc will be a little longer, then I'll start to focus on other things. Don't worry, I'm getting to the ShuuRi goodness. Just be patient my dears, it will come all in good time. All in good time, all in good time. **

**Remember, leave a review, follow, and favorite! It helps out a lot and it makes me happy. So, make me happy! :D **

**Thanks as always! See ya!**


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